I’m reading this pop psychology book—out of my usual genres—because my daughters have both been talking about it and urging me to read it. I’m sure it’s because they think I need it! Kessler states very clearly in the introduction that when you read this book, in addition to insights about yourself, you will probably notice things about other people, but you aren’t allowed to impose your newfound understanding on them. However, you can suggest that they read the book. I tried this on audio first, but it has a bunch of charts that were hard to listen to. Also, Kessler’s earnest voice started to unnerve me. The library didn’t have a print copy. But I am trying to respond to my adult kids in an affirming way, so I went out and bought one, which has the added benefit of now sitting around the house so my daughter at home can see I’m working on it. (In case you’re not picking up the wry tone here, that’s my sense of humor. I’m not that manipulative. However, apparently I am feeling sensitive about my personality being triangulated!) Enough about me. How about the book? The premise is that there are five “patterns” that people fall into when they’re overwhelmed, and recognizing your primary and—for some people—secondary patterns can help you deal with unresolved issues and stay present more, instead of “going into pattern.” So, these aren’t really personality types. They’re more like defense mechanisms. Kessler is building on the work of many other psychologists, so this isn’t a new theory, but he’s put his own twist on it and named the patterns Leaving, Merging, Enduring, Aggressive, and Rigid. I can already tell which one is mine. So far, so good. But the argument for how you develop these patterns in early childhood, or even in utero, is very Freudian, and that’s where Kessler is losing me. I’m going to stick with it anyway because I want to be able to have a conversation about the book with my kids when I’m finished. Also, in reading my post from last Thanksgiving, in which my older daughter mentioned this book, I can see that she did a much better job of explaining it than I’ve just done, which makes me want to keep reading it today.
What are you reading this week? Let us know in the comments section below.
Just finished 3 Shades of Blue: Mile David, John Coltrane, Bill Evans, and the Lost Empire of Cool. An amazing history of jazz as it rose and peaked. Dynamic personalities and drama - and Spotify has this playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4iMb8KfbaMw99JcKvRMUG3?si=c23486e4ff46408a
I'm reading Peace Like A River by Leif Enger and The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides